I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
