how can u be prego again
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
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