guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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