I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
