Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
They took my balls.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
