I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
