Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
