I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
