I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
