Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
