So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
