dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
