And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
