strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
