yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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