Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
