the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
