I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
