Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
