I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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