New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
