he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
