My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
