Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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