So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
