Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
