Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
