I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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