I think i sorta joined a cult last night
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
