I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
