Umm I'm too high to move.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
