I swear god or herbie drove my car home
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
