don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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