All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
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