my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You need Xanax blowdarts
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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