I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
