Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
