It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I just found a bag of teeth...
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Randomize
