i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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