I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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