I'm so fucking centered right now
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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