Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
