This house was built for laser tag.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
