FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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