I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
