dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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