i think my tv is drunk
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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