Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
