Someone shit on the floor
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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