fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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